That’s About the Size of It

I know what you’re thinking so get that idea right out of your head.  Besides, if I wanted to talk about the size of azaleas, you’d already know that.

So, now that we’ve all settled down and taken our seats, let’s get straight to the point.  Namely, how people tend to respond to package over- and under-sizing.

I first noticed the phenomenon bunches of years ago with coffee.  The former 16-oz. cans of Folgers, Maxwell House and other brands suddenly shed a few ounces and magically re-appeared in the  “new and convenient” 13-oz. size.  That sleight of can didn’t fool me but, to be fair, it wasn’t entirely unprovoked. That same year, there was a huge reduction in the South American coffee crop that drove prices sky high.  So, coffee growers thought, whadda we do, jack up the price or reduce portion size?  Tough choice, and one (sad to say) partially influenced by the long and drawn-out divorce of Juan Valdez during which he took his eyes off the farms.  Even though there really is no Juan Valdez, his wife won full custody of the mule and he hasn’t been seen since.

And then how about Halloween candy? When I was a kid, you got the real deal…full size candy bars, not counting apples with razor blades tucked inside them. Or so we were led to fear.  That stuff they pass out nowadays can barely be called candy, let alone candy bars!  Oh, how I miss stealing full-size Snickers and Three Musketeers from my brothers’ Halloween pillow cases.

The one shrinkage I can’t forgive is pasta. If I have a recipe that calls for a 16-oz. box of Penne, a 13.5 oz. bag just won’t cut it.  What, I’m supposed to recalculate the amounts of the other ingredients to make up for the 2.5-oz differential?  It’s not happening.

So, whether it’s pasta, crackers, beverages, toothpaste (just for you Margie), ice cream, or whatever else has you screaming mad, most other folks appear not to care as much. According to a Harvard business professor, “consumers are generally more sensitive to changes in prices than to changes in quantity.” My response to that? Thanks, witless consumers, for enabling “watch the watch” trickery right before your very dumb eyes…while the rest of us take it on the chin.

One last word on shrinkage before I let you go.  This one’s for the men in the room. There’s a certain something that happens when we go swimming in icy cold water.  Some call it shrinkage. I call it embarrassing. So never, and I mean never, bring a hot new girlfriend to the ocean waters of Cape Cod in May, go swimming, and later expect mind-blowing sex.  She’ll be too busy laughing her head off.