Day: August 1, 2019

Out of Bounds – 8/1/2019

Recently the president offered up this comment on his former Campaign Manager. “I think the whole Manafort trial is very sad…I think it’s a very sad day for our country…I think it’s very sad what they’ve done to Paul Manafort.” Asked if he needed a moment to compose himself, Mr. Trump replied: “Over what?”
According to an unconfirmed report, Donald Trump has engaged a private tutor to help improve his linguistic skills. Sources say he now knows that “rusher” is a defensive lineman, not a country. That “Two Corinthians…” is the start of a bar joke, unlike 2nd Corinthians, a well-known epistle. And that “Nipple” is a delivery vehicle for milk, not to be confused with Nepal, an Asian country between India and China.
When asked to admit that the English Channel is a body of water vs. an overseas cable TV network, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders insisted “the president has been quite clear on that subject and all other matters pertaining to the Great Kingdom.”
A team of noted psychologists recently administered an IQ test among three participants: a South American sloth, a spent balloon, and Donald Trump. The president, who finished a distant third, claimed the test was rigged. When asked to further explain his poor performance, Mr. Trump offered this: “How was I supposed to know that Lima is not the capital of Purdue?”